What Makes a Marriage Last

April 20, 2020
Actor Thomas and talk-show host Donahue, married since 1980, mine the long-term love lives of 40 celebrity couples in this delightful and instructive volume. The authors interviewed couples and found various patterns. Some fall under the “opposites attract” concept, namely Democratic political strategist turned LSU professor James Carville and his Republican wife, Mary Matalin (married in 1993), who explain, “we have feelings and relationships... politics are what we do for a living.” Others embody the spirit of “for better, for worse,” such as actors Michael J. Fox, diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 1992, and Tracy Pollan (married in 1988), who advise couples “to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Know that you love this person and they love you.” Former president Jimmy Carter and his wife, Rosalynn (married since 1946), counsel that they decided long ago not to go to sleep in the same bed angry with each other. Actor Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka (who had been together for years before marrying in 2014) teach that the little things, like date night, can help keep love burning bright. Love and understanding shine through in this inspiring collection.

April 15, 2020
Famous couples reflect candidly about married life. Hoping to be both informative and inspiring, Thomas and Donahue, happily married since 1980, interviewed 40 couples (including a few same-sex pairs), most married more than 20 years, to find out "if there really is a secret sauce to a successful marriage." The authors' disarming ebullience makes them endearing interviewers, with questions including how the partners first met, how they knew they were in love, what they learned from their parents' marriages, how they resolve fights, and how they have dealt with blended families, survived traumatic problems, and maintain their individual growth and change. "What advice," they ask, "might they give to younger couples starting out--or the already married--that they wish they had known themselves when they first took their vows?" Not surprisingly, competitiveness emerges as a frequent question for celebrity couples. "I'll tell you one thing we're never jealous of is each other's career," Kevin Bacon remarked about his marriage to Kyra Sedgwick. Sedgwick stopped working to raise their family, taking a role in The Closer when their children were teenagers. By then, having lost their savings in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme, they needed her income. Although couples like Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan hoped to emulate their parents' wonderful marriages, many couples vowed not to repeat their parents' animosity or the troubles they experienced in their own first marriages. Some partners--Thomas and Donahue, James Carville and Mary Matalin, among others--accommodate vastly different personality traits. Carville and Matalin decided to be interviewed separately, in fact, the better to answer questions honestly. Much marital advice underscores what Judy Woodruff calls "the eternal values, like honesty, integrity, and respect. And, yes, love." As Rob Reiner's mother once remarked, the key to a long marriage is to "find someone who can stand you." Other contributors include Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, George Stephanopoulos and Ali Wentworth, and Joanna and Chip Gaines. Warmhearted testimony to enduring relationships.

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